i don’t know anymore

people have often times told me that i actually know what is going on… sometimes i do, sometimes i don’t… all my thoughts and actions are based on what i infer from the surroundings and all the body languages im reading…

i really give up… i don’t know what to expect anymore… its just going to continue to spiral down this eternal blackhole… where everything just stops… all these uncertainty will stop and i give up… seriously i give up… its not me to give up but this time… i surrender…

maybe i should just go back to the old meanie i was… when i placed a get lost and don’t ever come back again sign… opening yourself up has its pros and cons… being hurt and used and betrayed… why is it so hard? i dunnoe… im still seeking for an answer…

i am being branded scary… for alot of things… maybe it should just continue this way… why the hell should i let myself be vulnerable to others? everytime i try, i fail… an epic fail… miserable and pathetic…

 

Her echo’s convinently unheard,
While the mockery spits the vulnerability back at me in disguise.

The broken pedal promises litter my soul with disbelief;
And loiter my heart and mind with mysteries, answers yet to find.

In overwhelming chaotic chaos the hostility continues to arrive,
Insecurities punish thoughts, and  actions stop.

Dwelling on the negativity, the positivity’s the hardest thing to find;
I drowned myself in persistance to begin a new life

Drowned in aggravation, i quit, let down the fight.
Missed the opportunity to make it by,

Forgot about how hard the first step was;
Establishing the second is bound to be tough.

Having nothing is simply enough, going for a long eide; bumpy and tough.
Play,stop, fastforward, rewind, wish i could go back and change with time,

wish i could go back a thousand times.
Tears are emotionless, none left to cry,

Uncontrollable emotions, constantly being recognized
Once again the vulnerability has taken over sides.

maybe this is what im feeling… i dun noe…
Don’t tell me… i would rather not know…

 

you were once a big part in my life

When you are down And you want to get high,
Just take a good look, Up in the sky.

What you will see Are the stars above,
And all you need Is to proclaim your love.

Who you will find And see so clear,
Are friends in mind You want to hold near.

Whenever you need them Just look up high,
Call their name And see them fly.

Every friend you meet Owns a star
And you can see them No matter how far.

Whenever you are down And want to get high,
Just take a good look Up in the sky.

and this is dedicated to you:

Our friendship started many years ago.
Where the days have gone I don’t know,
But when I think of all we’ve done
I stop and smile because we’ve had such fun.
I hope you know how much I care.
It’s friends like you who create a pair.
I wish I were closer to share your happiness;
But near or far, I wouldn’t miss
All the things you have to share.
I hope you know I am always here.
I know it is harder being miles away,
But always remember this when I say,
“Our friendship is a treasure
Well beyond any measure. “

well it all just came back to me today as i was stoning away… it felt so weird and alienating… i thought i had already let go completely and moved on with my life… but…it’s always the but… but it just came back to me

it caught me smack in the face, as i was stoning… reminiscing the good times we had… spending time over dinner, smsing each other, going out to the beach or what not, the time we spent online building each other up… but it all came crumbling down…

i was heart-broken caught in a shock… long as it took, i thought i had recovered from that phased and moved on but it seems i havent… the heart to heart talks and the advice consulted… i missed all those times we shared together as friends… i don’t know whether you still read this but im still gonna write it all out…

it was like a part of me has been removed… i was feeling helpless for a good period of time and then i started to try and stand up after the blow was dealt… i wouldn’t blame you… it’s a natural process… no longer the priority but i will always remember the good times we shared as good friends…

just so you know… i will always be there for you… just offering some! how united are close hands in australia! …

haha

 

Does evil exist?

 

Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God’s love present in his heart – Albert Einstein

well done liverpool

good times gone

yea good times gone…  you want a war you got a war…

u better remember all the times you needed me to help me put in a good word for you… no more good words… now all bad words… i will kill off your reputation cause it will eventually kill you off… i am your legend killer… i’ll make you eat your words… and then get on your knees and beg me… son of a bitch!

oh well haha moving on… haha

school has been really borin.. haha… rawr! where are you haha… i need to talk to you about something haha… mr. XXXXXXXX haha…

whine whine whine

oh finally a juicy topic to talk about… yea i don’t really give a damn anymore about you! seriously =.=… since i’ve been included into your list of people who don’t exist… let me tell you this (i know you will read this after what happened today)… i still have those fotos and videos of you doing your retarded actions and things…

WHICH I NOW HAVE NO QUALMS OF RELEASING IT OUT TO THE OPEN… oh hell yea… you heard me right… NO QUALMS… so you can pack your bags and get your BITCH ASS out of my life…  oh you can act all childish and delete me on facebook… goodness! a 4 yr old in a 19 year old’s body…

I GOT 2 words for you… GROW UP!

if you don’t want to be teased, don’t tease others. you don’t want to get laughed at… be NORMAL! yes i said it… i am not going to withhold myself in this post… You and I have massive egos… I can see by looking at you from the start that mine is bigger than yours…

I don;t have to placate my ego and be nonsensical and being all retarded in front of girls… i dont go around the library and flirt with some women 5 yrs older den me… i dun think with my***** like you… i think with the correct part ,ie the BRAIN…

you can whine about it… i shall stop here and be the bigger man… (literally and metaphorically)… you can be the whiner and bitch about everything… maybe what Mate says i will say to you:

 

玩不起，不要玩

3-3

wooots 3-3… what a comeback

SHOOT ME!

this is so going on my blog

TIM.O.THY

guess who’s back !

haha awesome awesome awesome! the trip to Genting was totally awesome

haha we met on the 29th September, 0645 at Little India… then we made our way to GoldenMile and I bought prata for breakfast… wahahahaha then we set off to KL… haha it was sleep sleep sleep from 8-ish to about 11-ish haha… then we were just talking and snapping some photos on the coach… haha

we have found the cheapest alternative to go to KL after the M’sian checkpoint… haha… it happens to be in the wallet of most people… haha and its not a huge amount hahahahaha

after that when we reached KL we had lunch at Pasar Rayat… 3 eggs man haha.. and then we just slacked and chilled until it was 3 oclock and we went up to the cable car station… the driver was damn insane… he was driving fast and furious style man haha.. and then we went to the cable car station haha… and took a cable car… it was totally awesome and jaw dropping…

finally we reached Genting Highland’s First World Hotel… (the biggest hotel in the world with 6000 rooms)… wah we took about 2 hours JUST to checkin… haha I was feeling kinda sian and depressed that i had to wait so long so we went to walk around and I got my icecream… wOOOOTSsss ice cream FTW!!!

then when we finally checked in, took a bath and it was totally what i needed… then we went out in search of the staff restaurant and guess who we met… black eyed peas and michael learns to rock… haha… LOL… actually just the billboards!!! haha… LOL

the food at the staff restaurant was shit! the fried rice was so plain and disgusting and totally turns off your appetite… haha.. after that we bought eddison an egg and then we went walk walk then back to the hotel room… i had my RAVING RABBITS!!! hahah…. LOL!!! haha i think i showered again then i went over to sloe’s room and we had devotion and sharing haha… and it was when i was freaked out hahaha…

then the night alone in the hotel room was damn scary… but i managed to make it through haha

2nd day:
Went to shower in the morning then we went down for our breakfast buffet haha… but morning sia! my stomach havent warm up yet… haha so had a little then sloe had to answer a huge call from nature haha… then we were just chilling at sloe’s room and at first we wanted to go to the theme park but then we ended up talking talking and catching up that we didn’t go to the theme park at all

so so so so so we went SHOPPING!!! haha confessions of a shopaholic man!!! haaha shopped and shopped but only for 2 hours haha… then we went back to the room and kept out stuff there and had a pillow fight ( me and sloe only)… haha it was so fun man… haha PILLOW FIGHT FTW!!! then we taught eddison how to play blackjack, i tot sloe how to play 2 ppl bridge and texas hold’em haha… then we went over to sloe’s room and chillaxed and camwhored ALOT!!!

after that me and sloe decided to go jalan jalan at the shops haha and eddison followed… i had another ice-cream!!! AWESOME, AWE-AWHOLELOTMORE!!! haha… and we kept quoting lines from HIMYM S501 haha so funny… then we had a late lunch at MaryBrown! (4-ish lunch) haha then we went to get a bottle of coke from another hotel haha and we bought some stuff there! haha

after that we went back to the room to chillax and then we were just talking again and we went to play pool with sloe! haha according to him, it might be his last pool game before he enlists! haha… i was snapping a shit load of photos and my phone was grooving man! haha

then we got hungry and went for lunch at pizza hut! haha… it was so fun lar… we ordered the 4 people meal and there was the case of the missing pizza haha… it was damn funny… we were so filled to the brim but decided to cash in on the terms and conditions and got a free refill of our drinks and then we just talked and talked until we decided to go and slack and then we went to walk around to the convention centre and we bought and Man United magazine haha… then eddison had to “read a magazine” haha… then sloe came over to my room and we talked and chatted haha! it was awesome!

after that we went to take a ride on the boat haha.. it was so fun then we were just walking and looking at the bright lights and before long it was 11-ish… then we had a devotion and sharing… i would say it wasn’t very good lar…. LOL… then after that went to sleep… haha i woke sloe up with my mega snoring abilities and he hit me haha … LOL…

managed to get through the night… it is a different from sleeping alone … at least you know there is somebody there for you… haha then we woke up in the morning chillax and slacked and then had breakfast… haha… then we checked out and went down to KL for another round of shopping but i didn’t get much haha… LOL… so went to get donuts… haha 4 boxes man!!! haha…

then we cabbed back to pasar rayat… CABS IN MALAYSIA IS AWESOME!!! haha… the cabbie can horn the car 2 cars in from of him… lol…

then after getting the tix we went to the lounge to chill and slack haha… we were watching transformers haha… then we boarded the bus… haha it was a massage chair and a personal television haha… it was so cool lar… haha… then there we were just watching tv and slept awhile haha…

we had delifrance for dinner and teh tarik haha… the movie was so cool lar… haha then we were gonna reach liao!!! haha… sloe still couldn’t get the clear for the thumbprint thing haha… so just chilled and waited for them… finally we reached singapore and goldenmile!

then changed my ringgit back to Sing Dollars haha… then went to the bus-stop to wait for sloe’s dad to come to pick sloe up… then cabbed back home!!!

THANKS GUYS AWESOME TRIP!!! haha

PEACE OUT HOMBRES!!!